Wednesday 7 December 2016

Last Night Was My Breaking Point

It's like he has toddler-sense. He knows exactly when I'm feeling exhausted or defeated to act up. A double edged sword - I can't handle the behaviour, in turn it appears to be worse and I handle it different than I would if I had the energy to deal with it; and he acts up even more.

Things quickly get messy around here lately
They always say it's the terrible twos. I haven't experienced too much of the terrible part yet or what I expected to be terrible. He's as happy as ever and its the happy part that seems to be disguised for the terrible.

He's talking much more and understanding everything, asking questions and interested in what we are doing. He is very particular in the way things need to be done, common two year old behaviour. He also is super giggly.

When its time to go for nap, my smart little toddler begins the charades. I try to put him to sleep while also fostering better sleep habits, so we do not spend hours on end putting him down for a nap or to bed for the night. The plan was to sit on the chair while Hudson relaxes and falls asleep and I quickly slip away. The problem is getting him into bed and staying in bed. 

Hudson likes to play with everything but toys lately, its quite entertaining but disorganizing!
I try to follow through and have learnt as many times as I try to put him down, we get stuck on the merry-go-round. Hudson has started to laugh at me when I "lay down the law". The same laugh that I normally love and encourage, in this scenario it's very frustrating.

As soon as he starts and doesn't listen to me, after several attempts, I now leave and shut the door behind me. Normally, he cries and calls for me. I used to come back with hopes he would finally listen and go to sleep. No. He laughs at me and throws himself on the ground with a cheeky smile on his face. He tends to laugh at me and thinks it's fun.

I call myself the revolving Mama. I revolve around our central hallway between each child's room tending to them all night long. The past few nights have been especially bad. The worst nights always happen before a busy day. And yesterday was one of the busiest days I've had in a while. 

The day after, exhausted and getting sick. It's a pj day.
We had two appointments at two different hospitals. It was a full day, feeding both babies in sub optimal locations but we got through it. By 5:30pm when we arrived home, I was greeted by happy Hudson at the door. I was exhausted. 

The boys are ready for their RSV shots at the hospital

Do these smart toddlers know when we are at our weakest and least able to cope so they start the shenanigans?? Did he see it on my face as he held the door open for me? 

Last night was my breaking point.  

I seem to be the only one he wants lately - "Mama do it", he says when putting him in his car seat, when getting his water, when preparing his food and when putting him to bed. We don't always entertain his requests but normally we are busy and we need to keep things going. 

Aside from the few issues we are having, Hudson has been so sweet lately.

I hate that I have to get Daddy in order to handle the situation but it's the only thing that seems to work lately. We do the tag team approach. With weekend naps and night time misbehaviour, I start the process and Sean finishes it. I would of course prefer to finish it! 

Last night ended the same way. with Sean finishing the routine and me shortly after heading to bed. Reflecting on last nights craziness while I fed the babies and pumped through the night, I realize that we are in survival mode. I would like to instill a routine but we are in a crisis and we need to do what we need to do to get by. 

Hudson is truly at the cutest age, but he is a tricky fella
We are probably starting bad habits but I realize Hudson doesn't quite understand what is going on anyway. We aren't perfect parents and what is perfect parenting anyway? With three children aged two and under, there are certain aspects of parenting I would like to concentrate on but in order to ensure he gets to sleep and gets the most sleep he can, doing the right thing isn't always best. We've done that before, with a 2 hour crying fiasco.

A tantrum on the stairs
The moral of the story is, we need to be easy on ourselves while in survival mode. The tank isn't always full, it's often running on empty and sometimes you need to coast down the hill with your foot off the acceleration pedal - and NOT FEEL BAD FOR IT. You may run out of gas while on a 6-lane highway, like I did a few months ago with the twins and think to yourself, I should have done this or that, but as time passes, we learn the techniques and skills to cope. And when we do have a night were we can get some extra sleep, you can then tackle the bad habits. 

Learn that two appointments in a day is too much and the days where you have nothing planned, stay in your pyjamas and leave the babies in their sleepers with dirty noses. They will be fine. We need to save the energy for each of these small pointless tasks to handle all that is to come when things truly "go down"! 

My version of relaxing, a quiet breastfeed session on the floor
Take a deep breath and know when to take your self out of the situation and tag your teammate. Ask for help, if it's available. There will be times when we lose it but in order to survive we need to try to minimize these moments as I know it will only compound. This situation is temporary. The broken pieces usually come back together in the morning. You will then be surprised that things change again and you have more time (and energy) on your hands but in the meantime, while you navigate through it; as long as our kids are happy and healthy, the rest is a work in progress - just like me as a Mom. 


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