Just Do It: The Upswing of My Rut

Hello, it’s me, the stranger blogger mom who hasn’t been around lately. I’ve been in a big rut and the only way to describe it would be that I am losing steam.

Twins are non stop but multi tasking often helps!

So much has been happening in my twin life with Walker and Conrad that it’s been hard to keep my head above water. The weeks pass by so quickly and I don’t get half of the things I want to get done completed. Remember in the New Year I had mentioned that I wanted to work on sleep? I hadn’t done much about it because I found it easier to breastfeed Conrad and get back to bed. I recently realized that I was started to dread the night time feeds. It’s been 11 months of little to no sleep, plus a twin pregnancy that did not allow for much sleep either – no wonder I am losing steam!

Just Do It: Bring out new toys to change things up when stuck indoors

I try not to focus on all of the things that I have to do and how it can be a burden to a normal lifestyle. If I focus on it in a negative way, it’s not going to help. But this winter was a rough one. There is no way around it. There were many positive and memorable moments but overall, in general it was very difficult. Luckily, some of the doctor appointments have started to slow down, giving me a bit more time at home and the ability to hopefully get out of the house.

Isolation as a twin mom is real. Some days I don’t stop between the two babies, naps, feedings and diaper changes. Some weeks my only outings are a doctor appointment or a visit by an occupational therapist. If you’ve ever met me, when I do get out, you may notice I’m quite a chatty person. This is because I don’t often get to speak to anyone my age during the day!

Being a twinmom is hard but you forget when your twins start to show affection to one another

I’ve been feeling like I need a break. I need time away. I need to not hold a baby. I need some time to myself or with Sean or with friends. I love my children but by the end of the day, I need to stop. I need to stop parenting. Unfortunately this is not often possible and I keep trying to remind myself that this period of our life is temporary. But I cannot deny the ill effects it has on me mentally.

Exhaustion is real. I go to bed usually before 9pm.

Enough is enough. I’ve always been the type of person that is more productive when I am busy. Yes, I’m busy with the babies but I like to be busy in all areas of my life. I need to just do it. I had coined this as my new motto (its new right?) a few months ago when I first started to work out. Well, I need to just do it again.

Just Do It: Even if you only have an hour, get out and play together.

A few nights ago I decided it’s time for Conrad to sleep through the night. It’s been 4 days where I have not fed him through the night. I have successfully been able to put him back to sleep and deter him (or myself) from feeding him – he doesn’t need it! This is the first step to getting more rest.

Just Do It: Take the everyday tasks outdoors - it may be your only time to get out there!

We had a bit of set back with Walker. You may have noticed through my social media that Walker was feeding tube free. He was doing extremely well with his feeds and the doctor had suggested that we perhaps try a tube free challenge. That same day, the tube accidentally came out and we decided to roll with the challenge.

We had an ambulance ride and visit to the hospital with Conrad recently - his exploring got him into trouble when he swallow a small metallic sticker. It was stuck on the soft palate of his mouth.

It lasted 3 weeks until Walker got sick with another gastro tummy bug and refused to eat. He started to lose weight again and became dehydrated. I took Walker into Sick Kids hospital at 2:30am one night and took his sidekick Conrad along too. That visit exhausted me. Managing a baby who wants to crawl and cruise at a hospital, who cannot is the worst, while also caring for a sick baby. So two days later when we needed to take Walker in again, I had no energy or motivation to bring myself to go. I would never consider not going to the hospital, but I had lost all of my energy. It was time to hand off the task to Sean and I stayed home with Conrad and Hudson.

Just Do It: Plan to get out to activities and forego a nap here and there - it will be worth it!

Walker’s tube was inserted again and it was a sigh of relief. The overall goal is to be tube free but the stress of making sure we fed him enough was very hard. Walker has since bounced back and started to orally feed his milk again. I’ve always known his journey was going to be a bumpy road and we would travel up and down hills. We are now travelling up the hill again – that along with the nice weather we have is making life a lot more positive!

I try not to focus on where we are but where we have come from. It makes each situation more bearable.

I’ve put blogging on the back burner this entire time as it was all too much to bear. Blogging is my way of releasing some of my pent up thoughts and truly has been helped me get through this crazy life! I’m still implementing my just do it motto and decided to share what has been going on. This is it!

The sun brings me new energy! I've started crafting for the twins 1st birthday party - painted pots and mini trees.

So I’m determined to put my life into an upswing. I’ve starting crafting and preparing for the twin’s first birthday party. I’m working out at the gym. I got my hair done. I keep up on the cleaning and tidying at home so I am in a space I enjoy. When time doesn’t permit going out for long I opt for a walk around the neighbourhood. Lastly, I got out this weekend, kid free with a close girlfriend to go shopping, have lunch and take all the time I wanted in a store. We later went out for dinner and had a glass of wine. I started to feel more like myself again.

Just Do It: Make plans with a friend to get out for a few hours shopping and go out in town for dinner.

I must always continue to try and find ways to make things better because there always is.

I encourage you to do the same. I know I’m not the only mom going through these same feelings. I’m not the first person to have trying times and exhaustion. Take hold of those moments where you can find the smallest solution to the issue you have. Just do it. Get off the couch and get yourself into action. That action will propel you further to finding what helps you feel like you again. It’s amazing how doing more gives you more positive energy versus doing nothing where you may actually feel more tired. You may actual get something done you have put off, like this blog. It’s a weird concept, I know. But I think it might work.  

Between all the twinsanity make sure you document the good and trying times - it will be great to look back.