It's Not All About Me

The last few months have been very difficult for me. Any family with a new baby or dealing with health issues of a family member can relate. I have been plugging along in this marathon but since I recently had a moment to breathe, I realized everything we are going through, as positive as I try to make the situation, is affecting me and my relationships.

Some of the items found around our house lately

Relationships were previously always high my list. It's inevitable that they will change. Not only do you not have the time to maintain them, others don't always know how to relate to what you are going through.

I have been very fortunate to be dealing with relatively minor health issues compared to what others go through. Each person’s situation will be the worst experience they go through, despite it not necessarily being the loss of a child. My life could be a lot worse. I learned to cope early on by realizing I should never compare others’ lives to my own.

Some days we can stay home in our pjs all day and just be together

It was an upsetting realization that my once very involved friendships were continuing onwards around me, somewhat without me. It wasn't the fault of anyone specifically or someone intentionally not including me but it left me feeling very alone. 

I have been so busy attending a plethora of appointments including echo-cardiograms, ultra-sounds, weigh-ins, osteopath and chiropractic adjustments, development assessments, occupational therapy, hospital visits, nurse home visits and monthly RSV shots. There is no energy for anything else except for caring for the basic needs of my children and myself; being a rarity.

Walker working with his Occupational Therapist

I felt very upset not being able to give what I normally do to my relationships, especially when these important people have their own difficult or exciting times. I am not able to retain information about others’ lives as my own life is at its capacity. Unfortunately, this isn’t a trait of a good friend, sister, cousin or daughter.

This little fella smiles make it all worth it!

Celebrations of happy times are happening around me and my involvement is dishearteningly after the fact through social media. As a people pleaser, I've always hated missing out on anything and would take all measures possible to take part and be included and physically part of my loved ones lives. 

I try to keep it all in perspective and not let the constant health concerns overwhelm me. It's very easy to let it keep you down, when you are already down. It is important for me to deal with each matter separately, in order to concentrate and give it the energy it needs. 

Bath time is a production line around here

It’s easy to feel down and confused as to why this is happening and blame the next experience on the last. I want my children to grow up looking forward not back on the previous hardships and not let it affect the future. There will be no crutches or reasons to blame the past on the misfortunes of the future. 

Resiliency is one of the most important traits I want to teach my children. The ability to bounce back and recover quickly in a situation will help them problem solve their way through life.

Hopefully they can help each other through the rough times

I took it upon myself to try and make it better. I must make the time as little as it might be, to find small moments to think of and be part of their lives. And if I can’t change the situation, I learn to deal with the outcome which helps me feel better. I reached out to several friends to catch up, make plans and even to send a simple text message to let them know I am thinking of them or wondering how they are managing. I realize I can't get out like I used to, so I invited people to me - they simply needed an invitation. 

Life and friendships aren't one sided and I never want it to be all about what I am going through. Until recently I didn't naturally have the time to make it about others. My child and family are my first concern but when the opportunity arises where you can make it about someone else, it feels amazing. It takes you away from what you are going through and is not baby or health related; it’s something from my old priority list.

Getting three car seats across is a new priority! Bless my toddler Hudson's little cotton socks - sharing his bunnies.

When the priority list changes, as it will, and I need to stray away from my relationships again; this blog may be my only outlet. I hope I can help others learn, cope and get through what I have these past few years. If not, at least see a different perspective on life and learn to do the best thing of all, live on. You are allowed to and will.