Thursday 18 December 2014

Stella : 10 months an angel

The 18th has creeped up on us again. 18 used to surprisingly be my favourite number but 10 months ago today it became a date I would never forget. I watched Ellen yesterday and heard of a family that suddenly lost their little boy at 3.5 years old and then today I watched Marilyn Dennis and they made a little girl's wish came true, her name is Stella. Somehow I am constantly reminded of our little sweet girl in everything I do. Ofcourse I think of her hundreds of times in a day but to hear of these stories it brings ours to the front of my thoughts.
Christmas is a time for family, a time for giving and a different time for us this year. The lead up of course as I have mentioned before is always worse then the actual day itself so I am sure it will be the same next week as well for us. My brain still doesn't compute that Stella will never be here again. Hudson is at an age where Stella being 19 months or her now being 29 months old, I can imagine her as his big sister. As time goes by, she will less and less feel like my children's older sister but the little baby who would have been their big sister, which makes me sad.
As always, I am generally doing really well but Stella is on my mind much more these past few weeks with the Christmas rush happening. It hasn't been as much fun preparing for Christmas as it normally has been the past 2 years. I wouldn't be up for much if it wasn't for Hudson. I am greatly looking forward to spending time with our families but I would have no problem skipping Christmas this year. Its just a reminder of what we are missing with Stella. On the other hand, as always there is another side to all of our feelings, I am so grateful for all that we DO have and am concentrating on those aspects of life. Its a great reminder to enjoy the family you do have in the present, while of course remembering those who are not and not worry about the meaningless things in life. As hard as it is for me, being the emotional person I am. Concentrate your love, feelings and energy towards those worthy of it and cherish the ones who gladly return it.
Its been 10 months of happy and apprehensive steps forward with my pregnancy and birth of Hudson but also 10 months of deep sadness and longing for Stella.
Thank you to all those who constantly look out for us, your text messages and facebook comments, your emails, small acts and gifts of kindness and help constantly amaze me and got me through the craziness of pregnancy after our great loss and get me through the days since. For those who I have become closer with through this unbelievable time (some of you were strangers 10 months ago) and those who have stood strong by my side - I greatly appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.

Happy Holidays to all xo

Here is Stella's 10 month update.

I am now double digits, 10 months old! And the biggest news I want to share is that I finally have 2 teeth and I took my first steps this past month!! I haven't been too upset over my new teeth surprisingly. Grandma noticed two sharp buds and now I have two full fledge teeth on the bottom that you can see in some of my 10 month old photos. I think I have more on the way! Stay tuned..
I have been walking holding onto two hands since the end of January (walking with two hands is "so February" lol), then I started to walk with only one hand holding onto Mommy after we got back from Mexico. And the week before Mother's Day I took steps on my own! The only person I like to walk to is Mommy as I'm not quite confident yet on my own, so I let go and sit down unless I'm walking to Mom. Mommy says I can do it as I hardly hold onto her finger tip anymore and I basically walk on my own...I'm just waiting to surprise everyone and take off!!
I now eat most of the food Mommy and Daddy eat at the dinner table. I love chicken breast, grilled zucchini and nearly everything else. I don't always like puree anymore as I like to feed myself. You will see lots of photos of me eating.
I'm so happy and excited that my new friend has arrived...Baby B is Mommy's friend's daughter and my new BFF!! I am going to teach her so much!
I still make funny faces...I scrunch my face and breathe in and out quickly. I also open my mouth wide and scrunch my nose and eyes. I say Mama and Dada. I also started learning animal sounds! I make BAA BAA and NEIGH sounds. I love turning the book pages. I shake the rattle when you say SHAKE SHAKE, and dance when you say DANCE DANCE as well as kick in the bath. I am starting to copy everything from noises to faces to funny sounds with my mouth. I am still screaming to get attention which Mom doesn't like much but I do understand the word NO. Sometimes I think its funny when Mommy says it.
I'm still dancing to music and love to multi task by playing with a rattle and walking with my walker. You can watch my walk on the videos on my own and with the walker. I also cruise holding multiple items...Mommy always seems to multi task so I do too.
Here is what I have been up to this month! I went to the cottage! Love to you all near and far...hopefully one day we all can experience life together...face to face!

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