Sunday, 18 January 2015

Stella : 11 months since our life changed

It's been 11 months since our life changed. Every month when I re read Stella's monthly update I am amazed at all the development she had and then I think about everything that has happened the past 11 months since Stella left. Last year around this time we were enjoying watching our little girl play with her Christmas presents and point out the pictures in her books. Stella would be 2.5 years old yesterday and I'm sure by now she would be talking our ears off or better yet, I'd take a crazy tantrum or two if she could just be here with us. I would take the worst toddler behaviour, I wouldn't mind. I'd love to be exhausted looking after a newborn and running after a toddler!
We were able to get through Christmas mainly by being extremely busy. It's hard not to think about how life would be while also being greatly appreciative for what we do have and all that is to come for our family. We will always think of Stella..I can't count how many times I think of her daily. I'm still not past all of the emotions we are left with and the flashbacks to that day. I'm so glad I didn't have to tell many of my close friends or family but think of my frantic call moments after our life changed to my Mom. It's upsetting to think about that morning and the shock of our horrible discovery and the words that I can't fully remember saying over the phone line. It wasn't a conversation that I eased into. And the phone call from my best friend
asking if it was true. It was and always will be. It is true that we had the imaginable happen. It is true that we are a family who lost a child. It is true that she is gone. It is true that Stella was the brightest little star in our life and she forever changed it for the good. It is true that she rests in peace and that we will never forget her. It is true that we speak of her often with smiles on our face. It is true that I will always consider her as part of our family and that I have two children. Amongst all of the truths, it is not true that she was brought here for a specific reason or that everything happens for a reason - I've never believed that.
With one more month until Stella's Angel Anniversary, I remember all of the events that were to come last year with no idea that it would be our lasts. We always lived life to the fullest, like it was our last. I know that many of the coming days will be tough but I try to remember that no day can be any tougher than 1 second of the horror from February 18th 2014. So I move forward trying to focus on the million of wonderful moments that came before that one worst moment...cherish them, speak of them often and openly with anyone who will listen and go from there as best we can!
Missing you dearly my dear sweet girl.

 Stella's 11 month update

I am 11 months already! This past month went by so quickly as I was so busy learning and keeping Mommy (and Daddy) busy!
I now walk over 15 steps between Mommy and Daddy...over and over again, its so much fun. I walk on grass, carpet, up hill, around objects, stop to pick something up and continue on but don't like to go on my own. I also walk between my toys and the couch but I love to hold Mommy's finger to walk instead so she follows me around a lot with just the light grasp of one of her fingers. I think I am getting spoiled and just prefer to walk with Mommy. Mommy tries to encourage me to go on my own but I just cry and sit down.
I am still growing but mostly development wise. When Mommy brushes her hair I take the brush and help her brush it. I know what to do with the nail scrub brush in the bath, I put it u to my foot. I stack my water cups in the bath and actually do them in the right order! I also can point to the polar bears nose and starting to learn where the nose, eyes and ears are. I wave goodbye without even getting prompted by my parents and I love to share my food on my tray. I put it in Daddy's mouth but sometimes I pull it away and put it in mine and laugh - I like to tease! I also keep busy picking things up and putting them down and don't make such a mess with my toys anymore as I put the blocks back in their box.
Mommy keeps thinking another tooth will poke through as I had all of the symptoms, cranky, slight fever, chewing everything I can get my hands on, touching my ears...maybe another tooth is on its way but not for this update.
I just spent 11 nights at the cottage and boy did the blackflies and huge mosquitos love me. I have bites all over my face, back, neck, hands and head! I scratch the ones on the back of my head but otherwise I'm okay with it. But I have been quite fussy lately...I'm so busy I get so tired! I laugh a lot more than I have the past 10 months.
My birthday party will be on Saturday July 20th, I can't wait (mark your calendars!). Here are my photos this month!
Love Stella

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