Having four babies and twins definitely puts a toll on your body! It’s been hard to concentrate on myself, the way I feel and the way I look over the past few years, combined with the sudden loss of our 19 month old daughter Stella.
|Me Today with Conrad|
After Stella passed away we were gifted lovely meals and gift cards to help us get through a tough time by making food easier for us. I greatly appreciated any help we could get but we started some pretty bad habits. I didn’t think or even care about what I was eating as I had greater things on my mind. Filling my stomach made me feel good and satisfied. I could control as much or little of what I was eating. Usually I tended to indulge versus making healthy decisions.
|Stella's Birth, 2012|
I was pregnant twice since then. Although I have never thought I was eating for two (or three) I had already bad habits in place so why not continue, it worked and I was ALLOWED to have a stomach. Getting weighed at my prenatal appointments was always a difficult time. Someone was monitoring my weight, how fast I was gaining and how big my stomach was. It was hard always hearing other people talk about how much they gained, or how much they didn’t gain. The focus on weight gain or the lack of weight gain during pregnancy is so hard on a newly expecting mom. We have raging hormones, new feelings, new worries and a new body to deal with. I’m not sure why anyone needs to discuss weight out of the medical examination room.
|Pregnant with Twins, Photo Cred: Julie Rock Photographty|
I was never out of the normal range size wise but I’ll be honest, I gained 60 pounds with Stella’s pregnancy, probably closer to 70 with Hudson and I stopped counting with the twins. There you have it. It’s out there.
Buying new clothes post pregnancy to get me through the in between stage became the norm but I never got back down past a size 10. I had 4 kids and lost one, it was okay, until one day I decided it wasn’t. I was tired of being the bigger one, not fitting into clothes properly, nearly not fitting into the "normal" sizes. I’ve never been someone to get down about it, I think I was too busy just getting by and keeping my kids healthy. It was time to stop our bad eating habits.
|Pregnant with Stella, weeks before she came 3 weeks early|
Sitting on our couch nightly snacking on chips or candy became the norm. I didn’t need it but I needed the enjoyment of the routine of the habit. I wasn’t gaining weight but I also wasn’t losing it.
Over the years I’ve gained and lost weight. It’s not new to me since attending university, travelling and living in Australia and living the young single life. Going out, eating out, having some cocktails and indulging was a normal occurrence. I always lost the weight and often worked out twice a day but never got down to the “size I used to be” – whatever that was?
|The Fall before we lost Stella, my weight was down|
I decided to make the journey again to weight loss. I’m not sure why it worked this time but it did. I lost 48 pounds and have kept it off for nearly 6 months. Don’t get me wrong there have been ups and downs, emotionally, physically, mentally and on the scale. But something clicked and my motivation bucket was full and ready to make the sacrifices and changes I needed, to make it finally work!