Stella : 6 months since our little girl left us

It's been 6 months today that our little girl left us. Again I think of all the wonderful things that happened in Stella's first six months of life and life since has definitely been less joyful and exciting despite having so much go on - we would prefer to have Stella experience it with us. It's crazy to think that half a year has gone by. I constantly wonder what Stella would be up to, what she would be saying and what she would look like as we see our friends children growing and developing so much. It's still very hard to not be busy with a little one but that will change very soon with the arrival of our boy in 7 weeks, or if he decides to come early like Stella, 4 weeks?!? We are getting things ready but its a challenge as our family is not complete without Stella and I wish we could seeing Stella interact with her brother - that's half the fun of growing a family. Our love for Stella was cut off instantly and I know our love will grow for this little guy but it will definitely be an adjustment while getting to know him. He will definitely hear much about his big Sister, who we know would love him very much.

As my pregnancy moves forward, ofcourse I am becoming more tired and more emotional!! So this past little while has been hard not having our family together to enjoy J and J's wedding and Oma's 90th today and all the memories along the way and in day to day life. But we know things will get better with time, although time is also hard -a double edged sword.

So much happened in Stella's first six months of life and I realize it when I re read her six month update. Here it is. Stella would be 2 years and 1 month tomorrow. Missed daily...never forgotten.

Stella's 6 month update

Hi Everyone,

It's time to celebrate, its my half year birthday! 6 months have passed by so quickly in our family! This month I have perfected sitting up. Although I still LOVE to stand, I love to hang out sitting up and on my tummy. Sometimes I fall over but I don't normally hit my head as I can scrunch my body up to avoid face planting! I am starting to get ready to crawl, pushing my knees under my bottom. I am learning to clap, so far I wave my arms around and hit my legs. I am interested in EVERYTHING, I'm very curious and need to touch everything and put it in my mouth..wait till I start crawling! Watch out!

I guess I was a good girl because Santa visted our house for my first Christmas! I had a wonderful Christmas dinner complete with starting solids with the entire V family...cereal to start and since then I love peas, carrots and sweet potato, butternut squash, apples and peaches, banana and blueberries. I love sitting at the table in my highchair with Mommy and Daddy for dinner as a family.

I'm still drooling and gnawing on my fingers a lot but no teeth have poked through. Mommy thinks she sees one coming..stay tuned! I stopped sleeping through the night temporarily but seem to be back on track again. I now sleep on my tummy, since I am such a good roller, I roll to my tummy right away once in my crib. I got lots of fun toys for Christmas, I especially love my pink vanity complete with a compact, comb, lipstick, powder puff and mirror from Great Uncle G and my cousins W and J! I also got a fun jumpy car from Great Uncle B and Great Aunt P. I caught up with my cousin J for a few days and we had so much fun together playing just like old times at the cottage. J makes me giggle a lot. Oh yeah, I also giggle now! Daddy makes me giggle the most..

My dark hair that I was born with at the back is now falling out, all over the place and my lighter hair continues to grow in on top. Everyone loves my headbands that Mommy makes so she has been making them for my friends. I'm getting taller but we will know how much I have grown next week for my 6 month shots. I'm long and strong but still have rolly polly legs and "Michelin arms" as Daddy calls them. Just before Christmas I got my ears pierced.

Santa brought me baby signing dvds which I love to watch...they keep me interested for the entire movie! Mommy sings the songs with me and sometimes sings them even when the dvd isn't on. I start swim lessons at the end of the month and I have my bathing suit ready to go.. I made new friends this month too..I finally met my friend L from Vancouver as well as the twins A and C. I watch Mommy do her exercise class and I kick my legs and copy Mommy. I give lots of cuddles and big wet kisses.

Anyway, that's it for now...a month in the life of me, Stella Eve!

Stella : 2 years ago was the best moment of my life

2 years ago at 4:31am was the best moment of my life, Stella Eve was born and little did we know what effect she would have on all of us nor would we know what was to come. I was 36 weeks and 6 days pregnant, at home relaxing when my body decided it was time for Stella to join this world - 3 weeks early. My water broke but nothing happened. We later made our way to the hospital and I was induced at 8pm and ready to go at 2am. An hour later it was time to start pushing, the moment I had waited my entire life for, to meet this little one my body made. Little to say it wasn't that easy but Stella did make her way to the light of day 1 hour later and boy did she make an entrance!
It was love at first sight but being first time parents we had no idea how our love would grow for her and our family so quickly. We loved every stage and thinking back it never felt overwhelming but quickly realized how great every new stage became as we got to know Stella better, her personality became more apparent and our love continued to grow leaps and bounds.
Our little Bunny grew so well right from the start and blessed us by sleeping through the night by 3.5 months old. We didn't know at the time that sound sleeper would be something that we never would have wanted that February 18th morning.
Life with Stella was amazing, she supported my shopping habit on mat leave and gave me many opportunities to stop and talk to people - she always gave a little smile or look right at the perfect time, strangers would stop us and tell me how cute she was. Those full cheeks, long eyelashes, blue eyes and body creases! No one could resist her and I understand why!
As she grew and began to understand her surroundings, we would watch her think. You could see the thoughts going through Stella's head. She would look around, think about the situation and decide how to handle it in a calm, cool and collected manner. She was always confident which helped us be confident parents who many people would comment that it was like she was our second baby - she made life easy! Stella came everywhere with us and got to know so many friends and family. She would sleep in her playpen at blaring parties, hang out at the cottage, play quietly at baby showers and events, so why wouldn't we bring her with us, she is part of our family and we never wanted her not to be.
When my mat leave was up, it was time to determine who would take care of our girl. We decided to enroll Stella in the toddler program at a Montessori school. She was 13 months old and the youngest in her class. She started walking very early so she could always keep up with the older kids and we are told ran the show. Even with her older cousin J who would follow Stella around wondering and curious as to what she was up to, Stella would continue onwards and upwards with whatever she was doing acting like she didn't even know he was following her. She was a busy body who didn't stop until she got the task done. From start to finish, she would play with toys and put them away after her - a teachers and parents dream! She made me unaware of how other children play as she was always so calm and not destructive, hopefully these traits will follow in her baby brother.
Stella was always such a healthy baby but like many others started to get coughs and colds being exposed at daycare. Thanksgiving weekend was the first moment where we were exposed to the feeling and thoughts of losing Stella when she had her first febrile seizure in my arms. She wasn't breathing and we didn't know what was going on. Running around frantically, it was a blur at the time but I remember it so clearly now. As parents we all have worries and thoughts of our children being injured or passing away - what would you do but this would never happen! We were told her seizures are normal and might be part of her life until she is 5.
We enjoyed Christmas and many events to come before a seizure would return. Any colds or fevers, we would monitor her closely to watch her temperature, it became part of our normal life but we continued to live life to the fullest as we didn't know if a seizure would in fact return!
Stella won the hearts of my new co-workers and was my little fashion model. She didn't mind wearing any of the clothes I would put on her (why would she, they are adorable!) She loved playing in her room and repetitively practice her skills. She was a good eater and loved drinking water. I now notice how many photos we have of Stella with her sippy cup. She loved goldfish crackers. Sean and I love candy but Stella never pushed to eat them but when we gave her a ju-jube she savoured it, holding it in her hand and sucking on it as she pleased. She never worried us by putting things in her mouth or eating dangerous things, she knew better! When we would mention a possible time out, Stella would put her self on the time out carpet on her own and when the minute was up, she often didn't want to leave. One time I remember her watching me, knowing she should be sitting, she would get up and look out for Mommy bending over to see me then sit down when I saw her. What a little devil!
January 6, 2012 one of Stella's first days back at daycare I got the call that Stella was possibly having another seizure. It was bad weather and I was stuck on Derry road bumper to bumper in a panic to make it to my baby. Stella always recovered from her seizures despite being sick, she would end up playing in the hospital and entertaining other with her cuteness. We enjoyed many indoor and outdoor days of fun between that seizure and the next which came too quickly on February 2nd. We had a house full of friends for Superbowl and poor Stells temp spiked and along came another seizure but this time Grandma got to experience it with us. Stella had pneumonia and I struggled knowing what to do and taking time off from work as many parents have.
Stella got better quickly as she always did. She was speaking more and amazed us by knowing many animal sounds and could pick out words on demand. Sean and I loved watching her develop and discover new things. She loved helping us with everything we did and loved to clean. She was helpful putting garbage away without being asked and put our dishes away in the dishwasher. We couldn't believe this was our child! Stella got a kitchen for Christmas and would play for hours in her kitchen.
When Stella found out she would be a big sister, we bought her a baby doll for Valentines day. We got to experience how great of a big sister she would be, feeding her baby and tending to her baby for that last weekend. We spent our last day together on Family Day not knowing what was to come the next day.
Looking back, it will be 5 months ago Stella became our Angel and there were tough times and scary times as all first time parents experience but Stella brought us a lifetime of joy in her short 19 months and 1 day that can never be replaced.
We wish we could celebrate her 2nd birthday with her today, hug and kiss her and watch her enjoy her day with friends and family like we did on this day last year at her ruffle pancake party. A day doesn't go by where I don't think of her, what she would be saying or doing and what she would look like and how she would continue to bring joy to our family. Those big blue eyes that showed so much emotion and that quirky face she would make. Her soft kisses and always holding my hand.
We hope to continue to share our memories with you all and vice versa as its our way for her to continue to live on although she will live on in our hearts forever!
Happy 2nd Birthday to our girl Stella and two years of experiencing the joy of being her Mom even though it has been 5 months since seeing her. All we can now do is help find a cure and research into SUDC and try and remember all those special Stella moments!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY STELLA! MOMMY AND DADDY LOVE AND MISS YOU!

Stella: 3 months gone

It's been 3 months since Stella passed away. We continue to miss our Stella Belle like crazy and wishing she was here to see my belly grow and to be part of the excitement of it all as well as helping us pack! 

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 As time passes I continue to wonder what she would be doing especially when I see other kids growing and developing. It's been a very hard few weeks for me as the season changes we would be outside with Stella at the park, she would be wearing the spring clothes I got for her (and the white jacket she got for xmas from Grandma and Grandpa shown in the photo), she would be talking up a storm and may have let me do something with her hair?

Here is Stella's 3 month old update. I will continue to repost my monthly updates as she grew and now as time passes without her. We miss you Munchkin Girl!

Stella's 3 month update

Hi Everyone,

I am now 3 months old, boy does time fly when you are having fun. This past month I have been busy, I was babysat by Grandma and Grandpa and my Gran while Mommy went to a concert, also Mommy and Daddy went to Cirque de Soleil and also went for dinner to celebrate their 1 year wedding anniversary. Gran threw me a baby shower with all of my parents friends and I was spoiled rotten with love and pressies. 

I went to where Mommy and Daddy went to university for dinner to Morty's and I went to a soccer party where I met my 5 other friends who were born just after I was. I had my first thanksgiving dinner and met new friends through two playdates with home and Soccer friends. Mommy and I love to shop together!

Mommy and Daddy have started to train me to sleep longer at night and its working! I only feed every 4 hours during the day now that my tummy is bigger and I slept 8 hours last night! My eyes look even bigger now (they also are lighter blue) and I smile a lot now. I like to copy what Mommy and Daddy do- faces and making different sounds. I've also discovered my hands last week...they are so interesting! I haven't grown too much this past month but I am making up for it in development! I have strong legs and can hold my self up with Daddy's help. I am working on rolling over and have gone to my side twice! My head is super sturdy, my legs can push hard and my hands are starting to grip objects tightly!

I love hanging out on my playmat for over half an hour at a time...I kick like crazy and swat the toys. I also sleep in my crib in my own room now! My hair is filling in on top (Daddy keeps messing it up!) and its changing to look more like Mommy and Daddy's lighter hair. Everyone says I look like my Daddy,which Mommy doesn't mind.

Here are some photos of me.

Love Stella xox