Well I can't seem to shake the 18th of the month (this one being 14 months since her passing), I don't think I ever will but since Stella one-year angel anniversary I had decided to stop my monthly posts, just as I did with her growth and development updates. After one year I did quarterly updates. I now move forward with my blog and perhaps I will be more haphazard about my once structured posts.
|Our Stella exploring in the backyard|
A lot has been happening in my world. My world being my friends and family and my life within their lives. I continue to grieve the loss of my girl but as time goes by, additional layers start forming on top of and in between my Stella base (which never goes away). As I start to think about front yard landscaping and spring being upon us (finally!) I think of our world and our growth as human beings in this world like the landscaping. Stella (and my family) being the base of my thoughts and my grief. Her roots were far reaching to my friends and family and also I have discovered to many others that have come along the way, and she continues to grow roots and effect those around us in our world.
On top of our base, we have been able to nourish our garden and improve it by the addition of our new growing joy, Hudson. He has enriched our lives so much these past 6 months and has been able to help bring flowers into our world. He has also connected me to new friends and relationships that have added even more colour to our garden.
|We have an angel watching over our garden of life |
Unfortunately, our garden is prone as many are, to weeds. Those weeds have choked and effected some of our flowers. Recently we have several close family members and friends health be tested. We don't always know if we are able to fertilize our garden proactively as I would like, or if we need to spray those weeds to rid them or perhaps choose more drought tolerant or native species.
These friends and family have often compared what they are going through to our story. They often say what they are going through is nothing compared to what we have. I believe one weed doesn't necessarily impact the roots and base of the garden more than the other, they all equally affect the health of the garden. Each year and season brings different impacts to our garden, one year it could be dry, one year it could be infested by bugs or bunnies - it doesn't matter what, it still greatly affects the viability of the garden's growth.
Even though sometimes we feel like our garden may not bloom this spring and we cannot go on or move forward with happiness, I try to remember something. I've said this to a few different people in my life over the years and it applies to many styles of landscaping ;), if you are not happy with something in your life do what you can to change it and if you cannot change it then you need to figure out some way to handle it so you can continue to live on.
I decided after Stella's passing that we would live on. We wouldn't be one of those families or "that family" that lost their daughter, although essentially we will always be that family, my point is that if you didn't know our story, I don't necessarily want it to be apparent or noticeable from the outside. This doesn't mean that we are not sad, hiding our grief or we are not thinking of Stella numerous times a day but we will live on and let our garden grow with many flowers. Our base is not only Stella but it includes Hudson and my husband Sean and other loved ones who will enrich our lives.
I don't disagree without a doubt that what happened to us is one of or the worst things that could happen and life WILL NEVER be the same but we owe it to Stella (and Hudson and our future children) and ourselves to try to find some happiness within it all and allow our garden to flourish. That is a decision we made from the start much like the decisions our loved ones have to make with what they are going through. Some have decided that they will get through it even though there is going to be a lot of weeding and work on the garden all summer long to keep it going, they will get through it with the help of their world and their garden will be full of lush green foliage and abundance of colourful flowers (and are hopeful it will!)...some gardens just take longer than others. Our garden will always be a work in progress as we are not landscapers and it takes a lot of work to make it bloom.
|Star Magnolia Tree (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magnolia_stellata)|
As the seasons change so does our grief and the lives of those in our world, for the good and the bad - that's how life works and we need to learn to cope with it as it happens ever year and every quarter.
We now have an angel looking over our garden of life